Because my husband and my father both read this blog, I have in the past refrained from complaining about real life people, namely them, in this blog! If I have something to say, I say it directly.
However, yesterday's events require a public outing of my husband's complete lack of capabilities as a grown up..... To say my husband is scatter-brained would be an understatement. In the 6 years we have been together, he has *lost* 4 cellphones (he'll claimed they weren't really lost, he always finds them months later): he once left it on the train, we once found it in the glove compartment of the vintage convertible we only used in summer, and I don't remember the specifics of the other times.....
A few years back (pre September 11th), he went to the US with a friend, but left his wallet in said friend's apartment before departing. So he entered a foreign country with no money and no ID!!!! For 3 days! (OK, friend had money and credit cards, but no ID?!?! I didn't sleep the entire time he was gone, convinced I would have to go pay a bond at the border!!!)
When we went on a vacation to Florida a few years back, he managed to lose his wallet between the cab and the check-in counter at the airport. He claims he was pick-pocketed, but it was 5 am..... he lost it, I'm sure. Thank g-d, I had the passports, otherwise he couldn't have come!
He's constantly leaving the house without his wallet or some set of keys, or the diaper bag. When we went to Quebec city 2 weeks ago, he forgot the diaper bag, then forgot the special blanky, not once, but twice!
But yesterday, yesterday is the reason I will once day end up killing him or divorcing him..... I'm very tired, exhausted from setting up the new store. So after lunch, I called my parents to see if they would Dumpling-sit for a few hours for hubby and I could go catch a movie. 2 hours of non-parenting, non-tiring activity.... My parents live 20 minutes away in suburbia, over a bridge. We packed her up and took her over there, then crossed the bridge again to return to the city to see a movie (they have movies in Suburbia too, but not the funky ones we like to see, and usually in French, not English).
We saw the movie and then had to return back to Suburbia to pick up the Dumpling. Now, I admit it, I had forgotten something at home. I was meant to return the pressure washer to my parents, so rather then make them wait til Monday to get it back, I figured I would go home to get it, (5 minutes drive) and leave hubby there to get started on our dinner. He could cook while I was making the 40 min return drive so pick up Dumpling over the bridge (the same bridge I had the blow-out on a few weeks back).
When I drove away, my dear hubby was busy organizing his many CDs in his car..... I drove there, drove back, only to be met by my husband in the driveway, for some strange reason wearing his jacket..... You see, he was locked out of the house! He had car keys, but no house keys, and no cell phone to call me.
Now, a smart person would have gone to the neighbor's, used their phone to call their responsible wife who had HER cell phone, get her to turn around immediately to let him in the house and thus continue the plan of preparing dinner....
But no!!! He stayed on the porch for 40 minutes, driving the dogs nuts (why can't you come in daddy!??! woof! woof!!!) and waiting for me to return. By the time I got home with the sleepy baby, even more tired myself, and by now starving, I didn't laugh at his predicament. Noooooo siry bob! I didn't laugh at all. I wanted to kill him. I believe I called him an idiot and a moron. Harsh, I'm sorry dear. But at the time, I just couldn't think of anything polite and constructive to say.
So this is it. From now on, his silliness and scatter-brained adventures are fair play for this blog. Otherwise, I'll need to call a divorce lawyer!
(PS: thankfully, Dumpling wasn't with him at the time.... can you imagined being locked out on the porch with a cranky toddler.... maybe THAT would teach him a lesson......)