Everyday, we see little changes here and there. Some changes are very promising. Others are just puzzling. I wish it was as simple as "1 step forward and 2 steps back" because at least that's linear and understandable/predictable. But this is more like 2 steps to the right, one to the front, oh oh, left left left, then forward again, forward, STOP! Who knows where you start and where you end up.... What works wonderfully one day is the biggest disaster the next.
The big Therapy appointment was yesterday morning. Basically, she didn't tell us a single thing we didn't already think/know. But to hear it from someone who knows what they are talking about sort of reassured me a lot. It also helped look at everything in perspective, especially Beach Ball's orphanage life. We were fortunate enough to visit it and meet her nannies. But taking what we saw and translating it into understanding her and her behaviour was something we needed help with.
The good news is that lots and lots of signs point to her not only being able to attach, but actually being interested in attaching to me. She let me feed her and she loves her nightly massage. I am still by far her least favorite person in the house. Daddy is first and foremost. But that is OK.
One of the biggest fears I had were the throw-up fits. When she totally freaks out, she is very quick to get to the puke. But the therapist reassured me not to fear the puke. It's not a good thing for her to puke and we should do everything we can to avoid those fits or stop them before she does puke, but if she does, it's OK. Because it's what I do after that will teach her to trust me. If she gets to the puke, daddy shouldn't come to the rescue or comfort her. It should be me. he can be peripheral, with his voice, maybe a touch on the arm, but the #1 comfort-person should be me in those situations, so that she learns to associate me with the comforting, not the tantrum/puke.
Thankfully, we haven't gone to puke level in 24 hours. We were close a few times today, but lots of reassuring, distracting, changing rooms, offering treats, all those things combined helped to end the fits before they were puke-inducing.