Mortimer's Mom

Xtreme Emotions

I had thought about keeping this on the quiet side, but I think it might be good to put this out there for other families who might be dealing with something similar. I know we are not the only adoptive family that has a parent with health issues and the way the kids react can be very.... interesting...

BB has been a puddle of sadness. From the moment he got dropped off at the hospital, she was upset. She remembered the building from last year (1 year and 3 months ago, when she had been home less than 5 months... clearly huge impact on her) and was very upset: "I don't want Daddy to sleep there!" While he was gone, she was very quiet and kind of sad all the time, but she would light up during visits to see him. She's very talkative and expresses her feelings very well, so she asked A LOT of questions. "Why Daddy go to hospital? Why Daddy need special medicine? Why Daddy cough all the time?" The 20 min ride back from the hospital to the house was just one Why after the other. But at least she was able to say things like "I miss Daddy. I don't want Daddy to be sick. I'll be very nice and Daddy will get better"

When he came home, she was overjoyed. Couldn't get enough hugs and kisses. But now, she won't leave his side. I noticed yesterday morning she was very reluctant to go to school, but since it was the first day, he actually rode in the car with us and waited while I brought the girls inside. Today he stayed home to rest. BB was NOT happy. On the way there she complained about which streets I took ("this is NOT Daddy's way! I wanna go Daddy's way!") and she refused to get out of the car. On any other day, there would have been plenty of Dumpling's schoolmates arriving at the same time and I could have sent her in with a friend, but of course, this had to be the day where everyone arrived very early or very late and no one was there to walk her in. So I literally dragged a screaming-crying-kicking BB into the school and dropped Dumpling off.

Foolishly, I attempted to bring BB to her class. (permission to laugh at me now) She was having none of it. "I wanna go home to DADDY!" The teachers, who are all aware of the situation, offered to give it a try, so I left her (again, permission to laugh at me granted). I didn't make it to the front door. You could hear her from outside the building. It was the scariest screaming I have heard since the day we met her in China and the day she tried to rip my nose off after coming home. I was not leaving her.

So I ran back in, picked up a puddle of tears from the ground and rushed her home to Daddy's arms. We were in dire need of some essentials like toilet paper, so I quickly ran some errands and returned home to find her drawing pictures for Daddy. But he looked very tired, so I asked her if maybe, just maybe, she wanted to go back to school. Surprisingly, she agreed as long as Daddy drove her. So he rode in the car again and waited outside, but this time she went in willingly. Hopefully she'll stay for the entire time and I won't get a call to rush back.

At then other end of the spectrum, you have Dumpling. Dumping is not good with expressing her feelings. She doesn't differentiate between anger and sadness and fear and frustration. It all comes out as anger. She was happy to see him home... for about 15 minutes. And then, she immediately became angry at me. Screaming, yelling, kicking, biting, anything you can imagine. Everything bothers her: the light isn't right, the food is too hot or too cold, I'm not holding the doll correctly, this is not the shirt she wants to wear. But she doesn't know what is "right". Everything is just "wrong". And if I try to guess how to do something, inevitably, I will do the wrong thing and set her off.

We placed a quick call to the therapist who recommended asking her to draw pictures of her feelings. We were able to get her to admit she was sad and scared about Daddy being sick and away, but in the end, it all came back to her being angry at me. About what, I'm not sure. Maybe she thinks it's my fault, or maybe she's mad that I can't fix it. We haven't gotten that far yet.... But man, she's pissed off. At least, she likes school and it acts as a big stabilizer for her, but the instant she sees me at pick up, the emotions well up and she has a fit. But the time we get home, she's out of control.

We are taking it very much one day at a time. But I'm frustrated. I don't really know how to make it better for them. And people seem to think that because he's home everything is fine. Trust me when I tell you, it's not.

somewhat delayed

here she is, BB on her first day of nursery school this year. With her lunch box and her homemade placemat (from the oil cloth I bought in Texas).

And because I'm all about being proud of my girls these days, take a look at my scardy-cat Dumpling, who wouldn't swim without floaties in June, who had tantrums if you asked her to swim one millimeter over the imaginary line between the shallow and the deep end....

She got over it.

She can do this 50 times in a row: take a giant, crazy leap, sometimes make a 180, then swim UNDER WATER all the way to the other end.... Scardy-cat no more.

Fitting In

Today is BB's first day in her second year of Nursery School. I can't even begin to tell you what a difference a year makes. Last year at this time, we sent  just-turned-2-y.o. 2 mornings a week. She couldn't speak. At all. Not one word. She started weekly speech therapy at the same time. It was a pretty intense process, we did a tremendous amount of work with her and we had to learn to wait for her to use words instead of grunting and pointing. But a year later.... you would never know. She speaks as well if not better than the kids in her class (well, except for the one kid who is the daughter of the speech therapist! That kid sounds like a 24 y.o.!!!!)

What Dumpling lacked in confidence, BB  more than makes up for. She is now enrolled 5 mornings a week, but she is also attending the early drop off program AND the Lunch Bunch, which means that she gets to school at 8:30 (right after she brings her big sister upstairs to her kindergarten class at 8:20) and stays for lunch with about half the class. We then pick them up together at 1:30. No way Dumpling could have EVER stayed that long at that age. Heck, she barely made it when she started pre-K, which is now only a year away for BB (it could have been 2 years away if the speech hadn't improved, but at this point, it's clearly no longer an issue)

I am a tiny bit apprehensive for her today because this does mean 3 different classrooms and 3 pairs of teachers: the early-drop-off is in the older class, then she goes to her regular class and Lunch Bunch is inn the one class she wasn't in last year! On her visit yesterday, she was a tad overwhelmed by that, because if you add the baby-class she was in last year, that's all the rooms!

I packed them identical Bentos today,  hard boiled eggs with faces cut out of fruit leather.....

Which brings me to my final topic: Dumping and Lunch. As long time readers know, Dumpling was a non-eater for a very long time. There were problems eating at home, at the restaurant, at school. We sought advice and help, we had to get someone to sit with her at school to get her to eat in pre-K. Well this year, she's come home with a COMPLETELY EMPTY lunchbox every single day. She is loving the Bento concept and I'm not even making fancy faces or shapes everyday, just lots of little amounts of various fruits and veggies and turkey/eggs in the containers with the separators. She loves it! and the other kids at her table are so jealous, they are asking their moms for it too! 2 of the moms asked me where to get the containers, her friend J in the other class is already eating her own Bento.... Look at that! My kid, fitting right in at the lunch table and even inspiring others....

A year ago, had you told me that BB was going to speak at a 5 y.o. level and Dumpling was going to bring home empty lunch boxes, I would not have believed you for one second.

PS there will be BB first day of school pics, but I took them with the fancy camera and we are going to a fundraiser tonight, for which I am having my hair done.... so you'll have to wait til tomorrow!

BB is 3 (minus 2 days)

Her actual birthday is 08-08, on Friday, but the Pool Party was this afternoon. The only day we could fit it in before leaving for our beach/lake mini-vacay on our way to the gift show. There was torrential rain all night and wicked thunderstorms this morning. And then, at 2 pm, the sun actually came out. And though it clouded back over by 4 when the first friends arrived, it stayed clear long enough for a nice big dip in the pool with the grandparents, the amazing M and my 2 fabulous knitting buds and their kids. We got everyone back inside before the sky opened up again, but it did in fact hold off long enough to make it a pool party. BB was over the moon!

Inside, we played fun games Mortimer's Dad found on this site. We threw ping pong balls into beer cups and paper-plate rings around empty soda bottles. Add a game of Twister and it was the perfect low-key, easy birthday party. We were joined by my local blogging buddies Red and Journey to Mei Mei and their adorable daugthers (and husbands. Though this year, we didn't rebuild anything....) My knitting friend A has 3 wonderful kids, the oldest of whom, at the grand age of 9, is a caricaturist. He is amazing, and he gifted BB with a fantastic caricature of herself. He was a very popular part of the party and there was a lineup for personalised caricatures in the breafast room.

Now, for the promised pictures:

BB, the 3 year old.  (with a new bob hair cut)

Being presented her DJ Lance Rock BoomBox. (I'll take better pictures of it upclose tomorrow, it is quite something, I must admit!)

Look Mommy! Yo Gabba Gabba!

I gave them to her first. Then we gave her the other presents. We kept having to take them away from her to open the other stuff, she was ALL OVER them. yeah me!

I think the face says it all, don't you? She loved them. She loved all her presents, she was so thrilled to have her very own pool party and have friends new and old come celebrate with her. I want to thank A and R and Red and Susan for joining us. It meant a lot to us to have you join us, especially on such short notice. BB is a wonderful, happy, sweet girl and being surrounded by such nice people on her birthday is something we'll all remember for many years to come.

PS: Plex has no feet. His legs were sewn shut at 3:15 so I could shower and ice the cake. He'll get feet next week when we get back. See, I'm not THAT good!

PPS: the cake, a sandcastle, since we are heading to the beach in the morning.

Thank Goodness she reminded me

Poor BB, she is suffering form Second Child syndrome. We don't print out pictures as often, we give her hand-me downs, and we almost forget to plan a birthday party!

Well, we didn't forget. Her 3rd birthday is next Friday, and we will be at the beach with my parents for a long weekend before heading to the gift show. So she will get a nice family party on the beach. But yesterday, she told her beloved grandmother that she was having a pool party for her birthday.... Seems like months ago, we promised her she would have a pool party for her birthday... Color me panicked!

But I recovered quickly. None of my in-laws will be around, poor BB will always have her birthday in the middle of sleep-away camp. But I emailed Red and Journey to Mei Mei, who were both glad to accept my impromptu invitation and agreed to bring their little ones next Wednesday for hot-dogs and cake and a dip in the pool. Then I thought about the cool girls from knitting and how it would be great to meet their kiddos as well, so I extended an invitation to them as well and voila, we now have a pool party on deck!

My husband is going to scour the internet for a very cool present. (He already has one) and I decided to channel my energies into making her something she would go gaga over. Or actually, Gabba Gabba, as in Yo Gabba Gabba. I foudn the patterns on Etsy, made by CraftyisCool.

Here is #1 of 5. More crafty details at Ubercrafty.

wordless wednesday

 

Upside-down world

Things are amiss around here.... In the last 8 months, we have rarely taken Dumpling to the restaurant. She is a much better eater now, and she eats lunch at school everyday without a fuss, but restaurants were always the last frontier. She simply couldn't behave in a restaurant. I can handle a fussy but eating child, or a calm, non-eating child, but in public, a tantrumy 4 year old who doesn't eat just doesn't fly with me. So except for the Disney trip, during which restaurants were mandatory, we have avoided restaurants meals with Dumpling. We do regularly go with BB, on nights when Dumpling is being spoiled by her grandparents.

Last night, however, was the first night that BB was going to have her own turn at dinner with the Grands at their house, so after her gym class, Hubs and I took Dumpling to a local Italian bistro that does spectacular pasta and is totally casual and no-fuss.  It was great. She was a tad high-strung, but we had discussed for many days how we expected her to either be "nice" or eat nicely. The first thing that went well was the waiter, who hadn't been there on previous visits with BB, so he was smitten with her and brought her a special mango/peach Italian juice on the house. She batted her eyelashes at him and that set everything off on the right note! He even offered to make her a half-portion, something that has never been offered to BB (though truth be told, BB can handle the whole plate!) There was only minimal coaxing during the meal, and she was rewarded with a brownie as dessert. We made a huge deal about how much we enjoyed ourselves, how fantastic it was to go to the restaurant and not argue and we asked her if she enjoyed eating out when Mommy and Daddy were so happy and relaxed, which of course, she did.

On the flip side of this little moment of bliss, BB hasn't been sleeping at the country house. At first, I thought it was a fluke, a one time thing. But it's been 3 weeks, and it's exhausting. This past weekend, she was up so late on the 2nd night (in the past, it's been a one night thing, making her so tired that the 2nd night was a non-issue) that we had to keep her from going skiing on Sunday because she was hell-on-wheels the minute she woke up from her way-too-short night. And this week, she's been acting weird. She was UBER excited for her first all-by-myself date at her grandparents' house, but today, she didn't want to go to school, then when Hubs coxed her to go, she didn't want to take off her gym clothes to reveal her beach outfit (it was Beach Party day), apparently threw fits whenever the teacher tried to leave the room and finally made a big fuss about doing her "talking class" when the speech therapist showed up this afternoon, an activity she usually loves.

So I am thrilled that Dumpling is making fabulous progress, because being able to go to a restaurant would go a LONG way in making me feel less house-bound, but I am not too thrilled about the reversal of fortune that has hit BB..... let's hope is a short phase.

One year ago tonight

I honestly cannot believe we first met Beach Ball, then known as Sprout, a year ago today..... I remember the first anniversary of Dumpling's arrival. It felt like a year. No more, no less. Beach Ball is a totally different story. On the one hand, it honestly feels like yesterday. Time just flew by. On the other hand, the girl that stands before me today is not the girl we met last year. she has come SUCH a long way....

She was so scared. Screaming her heart out, so very very fearful of what was to come. She was OK with me at first but very soon came to resent me. She didn't want anything to do with me. All those nights in the hotel in China, poor hubs had to carry around this huge bundle of nerves and tears. She wouldn't let me touch her. But as long as I stayed away, she was actually a happy child. She loved the bath from the get-go. Even tried to drown Dumpling in her exuberance to play in the water!

She hated our house. Could not wrap her head around the designated rooms: a room for eating, a room for sleeping, a room for playing.... she has spent her entire life in the same 4 walls. We had to do some major adjustments to ease her into her new life.... But adjust she did! Did she ever!

From not speaking a sound to learning words, she's now stringing 4 or 5 together and makes herself understood. My new favorite is "Mommy pick-up me (s)kook!" But pick-up is a 3 syllable word, with an eh sound in the middle... too cute! Today, with the speech therapist, she had to ask "what's in the bag?" It was like a toddler game-show host! "Whaaaaaat's in the bag?"

The thing about Beach Ball that cannot go without mentioning is the absolute cheer joy she radiates. She is always happy. OK, not always. But we have been living with Little Miss Broody for 4 years, so BB's sunny disposition is such a joy to be around. She's so very funny. She's a total jokester.

She is also such a loving little girl. The hugs and the kisses are non-stop. "Love too" is the current way she says I love you.  She must say it 25 times a day. Out of no-where, for no reason: "Mommy, love too!"

Of course, an anniversary post wouldn't be complete without mentioning the eating..... When I first posted about how much she ate, how much she seemed to enjoy it, people told me to enjoy it, that eventually, it would stop. Well, a year later, the girls still eats every bite with gusto, can be taken to any 5 star restaurant and will eat with utensils, without spilling a drop. I haven't had one food argument with her..... you cannot imagine what that does to my heart!

We had a family dinner last night in honor of the anniversary. I put her in her sister's silks, from her own previous anniversary at the same age.... I had to let out all the darts to squeeze her in there! BB wasn't built for silks!

She's been quite under the weather for a little while, was tested for pneumonia yesterday (negative) and hasn't been feeling herself, so today, just for old time's sake, she refused to let me change her diaper or even touch her, only wanted DAAAAAAAADDY! Happy Anniversary Beach Ball!

Let's have a Rave

well..... just as I start drafting my first anniversary post for Beach Ball, exalting the virtues of what a good girl she is, how far along she's come, how sunny and good natured she is.... She has decided that she will not sleep at the cottage. Everything was fine, we were here for a long time over the holidays and she didn't give us one bit of trouble. Except for the talking after we put them to bed, but you put a 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old in a room in the dark, you have to expect a bit of chatter before they close their eyes.

Last weekend though, even if Dumpling was fast asleep, exhausted from hours outside breathing in the fresh air, Beach Ball just wouldn't stop talking, moving around the room, reading books.... anything and everything but sleeping. Eventually, it occurred to me that all the dolls she had taken to bed lacked one thing: a pointy corner to stick in her nose. Don't ask, she's got this weird thing about sticking something "pointy" like the tail or ear of her rag cat in her nose when she falls asleep. So I procured her Lamb, with floppy, pointy ears, but it didn't help. She was still up after we went to bed, didn't fall asleep til near midnight and woke up several times, finally demanding to get up at 5 am. Then, she was a piss all day!

Last night, we had a repeat performance. Except this time, we didn't kid around. I don't want her waking up Dumpling, so at 10 pm, when she was showing no signs of slowing down, we threatened her with the worst threat to this toddler: close your eyes or go in the crib in our room...... 10 minutes later, she was strolling around again, so off to the crib she went. Miraculously, she was asleep when I went to bed an hour later, but she was up at 4 am, begging to be let out of the crib to roam around. I don't know what he did/said, but hubs eventually got her coaxed back down to sleep, but this is not fun....

I don't know what it could be. the routine is the same, we come every week, it's predictable, she has her stuff, her blanket, her rag cat, but for some reason, she just won't go to sleep. And she only does it here, not in the city....... aaaarrrrgghhhh!

I'm too old to be raving all night.

PS: on a cinema note.... hated There Will Be Blood..... too long, extremely boring. Well acted, beautiful cinematography, but really..... boring. Hubs didn't like it either.

desperatly seeking poo-related assvice

Things with Beach Ball are taking a turn for the bizarre and if you know how to help, please let me know!

By and far, we have avoided big messes in our house: no puke, no runny poos, etc. Lately though, Dumpling has been having crazy nosebleeds that have required an ER visit. She is fine, we just need a major humidifier in her room and lots of polysporin. But as if spewing blood all over the main floor wasn't enough, we are now faced with smearing of poo.....

Over the last 3 days, Beach Ball will wander off, poo in her diaper, and then proceed to reach in, take it out, smear it all over her arms, legs, belly, and then whatever she can reach: floor, walls, counter, etc. It is, frankly, gross beyond words. She isn't upset, she isn't mad, she just reaches in and goes for it. (not if we are there. If we are there and smell the poo, we change her before any thing happens, but she sort of likes to hide now, a new thing). When she does start to freak out is when we have to wash her afterward. Oh my lord. The bath/shower just sends her into a tizzy. I tried to explain to her that if she doesn't touch the poo, I won't have to do this, but have you ever tried reasoning with a 2 year old?

OK, armchair psychologists and seasoned parents, go for it. Tell me what's going on, how to deal with this. Because poo, on the walls... yeah, not so much!