Baby Steps

Everyday, we see little changes here and there. Some changes are very promising. Others are just puzzling.  I wish it was as simple as "1 step forward and 2 steps back" because at least that's linear and understandable/predictable. But this is more like 2 steps to the right, one to the front, oh oh, left left left, then forward again, forward, STOP!  Who knows where you start and where you end up.... What works wonderfully one day is the biggest disaster the next.

The big Therapy appointment was yesterday morning. Basically, she didn't tell us a single thing we didn't already think/know. But to hear it from someone who knows what they are talking about sort of reassured me a lot. It also helped look at everything in perspective, especially Beach Ball's orphanage life. We were fortunate enough to visit it and meet her nannies. But taking what we saw and translating it into understanding her and her behaviour was something we needed help with.

The good news is that lots and lots of signs point to her not only being able to attach, but actually being interested in attaching to me.  She let me feed her and she loves her nightly massage. I am still by far her least favorite person in the house. Daddy is first and foremost. But that is OK.

One of the biggest fears I had were the throw-up fits. When she totally freaks out, she is very quick to get to the puke. But the therapist reassured me not to fear the puke. It's not a good thing for her to puke and we should do everything we can to avoid those fits or stop them before she does puke, but if she does, it's OK. Because it's what I do after that will teach her to trust me. If she gets to the puke, daddy shouldn't come to the rescue or comfort her. It should be  me.  he can be peripheral, with his voice, maybe a touch on the arm, but the #1 comfort-person should be me in those situations, so that she learns to associate me with the comforting, not the tantrum/puke.

Thankfully, we haven't gone to puke level in 24 hours. We were close a few times today, but lots of reassuring, distracting, changing rooms, offering treats, all those things combined helped to end the fits before they were puke-inducing.

Progress!

Comments

[lisa]

Thank you again for sharing as you go. I thought of this when you first mentioned the vomiting, and as you talk of it more, thought I should let you know. The woman who taught my state required adoption classes here in CO has adopted about 12 kids-I lose track-she has bio too-but early on she adopted twins from Korea, and they did the projectile vomiting A LOT. They are now in high school and doing very well. D. just started teaching adoption classes in the last few years, but has been teaching high school theater for 20 and is really good at reflecting on her experience. I know that she would be more than happy to talk to you as a BTDT and way on the other side (though she recently adopted toddlers again). Let me know if you want the contact. ~lmc

[OmegaMom]

This is all good (well, not the puke in general!), and I'm glad to hear it.

[shelly]

So glad to know you at least got some reassurance with the therapy session. I know these are baby steps, but progress is progress.

[Deanna]

Well, it's good to know how things are going - thanks for the update. I'm glad that the therapist is able to help where you need it, and hopefully she'll help as things hop to the left, front or backwards. No puke in a day is good progress!

For what it's worth, A is a class-A puker. Especially at nice restaurants, usually just before lobster arrives (just ask the Figlet family!). Hers is just gag reflex, but still highly unpleasant and distressing to witness.

[atomic mama]

Here's to another puke-free 24 hours. And another. And another...

[figlet]

Oh honey. I didn't realize the cry-til-puking was happening that frequently. Sigh. Hang in there. I know you will, and you'll all be doing brilliantly before long. Because you're that kind of mama. And soon Sprout will be begging you to take her shopping for shoes. Big kisses to all of you.

[Mrs Figby]

Oh man, I am so glad things are looking up for you guys. I've been worrying. It sounds like the therapist was very helpful -- just getting that validation is so important. Sending good wishes for continued improvement!

[Mandy]

You are doing a great job. Be strong! Glad to hear things are improving.

[Sister Carrie]

It's so interesting to hear about what you're learning and doing (probably not so interesting if you're on the puke-receiving side, so it's easy for me to say!). Keep up the good work.

[Debberoo]

This is all good stuff! Its not that you didn't already know all the things to do but it just makes so much difference to have professional backing up your own thoughts/plan.

Here's to less puke and more baby steps.

[Harry]

It's great to hear that things are looking up. Hang in there. Our thoughts are with you.

[michele]

Hey I normally just lurk and enjoy your blog.
But I will tell you our dirty little secret...
If we wash our babies hair shes screams, claws at the tub, then pukes.. Everytime.
We dont dare tell anyone...
People here just dont get the whole orphanage thing..
Shes been home 1.5 years and this has not changed.
We almost have throw up tears other times but she always calms a little right before.
She also eats huge bites at once till she gags ???

I feel bad complaining when shes easy in most respects though..

Anyways, hope this passes soon!!!!!
I agree dont sweat over the puking. I just am glad ours is in the tub ;)
Michele

[Amy/grrlTravels]

Oooooh, I know all about confusing steps in all directions. Boy do I hear you on that one. Hopefully eventually most of the progress will be sort of forward. So glad you met with the therapist, even if just to have your hunches confirmed. Thinking of all of you.