I just don't get it

So Alexis Stewart (who is the one and only child of Martha Stewart, for Johnny, and others who didn't know) is on Oprah today, talking about speding 28Ks a month on fertility treatments because, and I quote, she wants "a child of her own". ARRGHH! Am I the only one who finds this so aggravating? Sure, she's filthy rich, she can spend her money on anything she wants, but 28K? A MONTH? At age 42?

Why is adoption still so second-class? I admit it, we were weird. We pursued both IVF AND Adoption at the same time. I know most people try one, and then have to come to terms with their infertility and move on to adoption. I can understand that. But she says herself she doens't have a plan B! Seriously? With that kind of money, she could easily adopt a perfectly healthy new-born. If trans-racial adoption isn't her thing, I can respect that. But tell me what birth-mother presented with her file wouldn't pick her? Sure, she's not married. She may or may not be gay and some people might not pick her for that. But I just don't get it.  28K a month....

I just don't get it.

(And by the way, can we now start saying she wants "a biological child"? Because I would like someone to explain to my kids how they are not my own?)

Comments

[Jenny]

I didn't watch but 28k did seem like an awful lot considering that usually a round of ivf cost like 15k. And he mom doesn't have insurance coverage for her at the company?

I have no issues with people wanting bio kids...but like you said...they are bio and no different than "our own".

[magicpointeshoe]

"With that kind of money, she could easily adopt a perfectly healthy new-born."

=o( That sentence made me sad. The way it is worded makes the word adopt easily replaceable with buy.

[Angee Jensen]

I don't get it either! Adoption became our first choice. We got pregnant on our first try in 2002 but then I miscarried and then for the next three years prevented it because nothing felt like the right choice. Finally in 2005 we were ready for a family again and adoption was our choice! I don't know that we'll ever have biological. Adoption rocks!

[mortimersmom]

I responded personally to Magic, but I will do it here to.
That was exactely my point. She could "buy" the baby of her dreams. Not my choice, not what we would have done/did for our family, but if she is so set on having a perfect new-born, she has the money and ressources us dull-normals don't have.
And the fertility treatments she is doing now? How is that not buying a baby? 28K a month! That's treatments that is not available to the general public. People like Celine Dion and JLo can afford that, but not Joe-Everyone. In my opinion, she is buying a baby. Grant it, a biological one, but I find it equally unethical to spend that much trying to conceive as to pay a birth-mom's "expenses".

[magicpointeshoe]

I think I will have to bow out of this rant now. I really don't like the accusation that I sold my child for reimbursement of my insurance copays and for a few maternity clothes.

[Justine]

We can't have kids - I am tired of hearing that I could just go for IVF if I want a child so much, I would rather adopt as IVF is such a long, painful and heartbreaking process. Why is it that adoption is 2nd rate in so many peoples minds, don't all children need parents to love them

[Johnny]

Can I say, with a bit of relief, that I don't know who the frick this woman is?

[Lisa T.]

Today is the day that our very last IVF is over.
after 5IUIs 2FET 7IVFs I'm joining a new club.
Today...about two hours ago, in fact.
I've always figured I would adopt anyway but when starting we thought it would be
less expensive for us to try ART. It would have ended up being about the same after these 5 years to have to have adopted as we were lucky enough to be a part of 2 shared risk plans and we would have our child here right now.
The Oprah episode is going to make me fly against the walls splatter and stick.
Who am I to say how far one should go, however I hate seeing women in very trying conditions going to such lengths makes me a little ill.

[Julie]

I have no idea who Alexis Stewart is!!lol

Julie

[lisa]

I'm as oblivious as Johnny and Julie-but you knew that ; ) Sounds like it's just as well that this woman continues with her current obsession, though. ~lmc

[Sparky]

I thought she was Rod Stewart's and George Hamilton's ex. Duh. I just saw the episode and I was more intrigued/surprised/confused/pissed off with the "paid surrogate in India because it is cheaper and safer legally story". It made me a bit uneasy.

As for Ms. Stewart, I wish her well and hope she is able to become a mother. As an over 40 first time mom, this has been by far the most enriching (and exhausting) experience of my life.

[lizard]

I had no idea who she is, but I am Popular Culture Clueless.

It is sickening that adoption is almost always second choice, and I think we should continue to rail against that praticular bit of crap that doesn't consider our kids.

I have a friend who loves to tell me (her kids are not adopted, tough do come after some infertilty troubles) that my kid is as biological as hers-- the first time you clean a poopy diaper you know hoe biological your kid is. I love this friend.

There are no terms that don't sound bad to me, there is no good way to express that the relationship is in some ways different and in many ways exactly the same. Once the kid is your kid, it does not matter. Not even a little bit.

Still, "a child of my own" is so by far the worst, most disgusting term out there. It is terrible, and hateful, and really expresses the second-class attitude about our kids.

I hope someone really sets her straight.

[Herb]

I'm in the Johnny/Julie camp. I can barely care about Martha, let alone whoever is her spoiled brat. I'm guessing it stems from a warped sense of entitlement.

[Sister Carrie]

I read an article about her, and if I remember correctly, she is so determined to have a biological child that she refuses to use donor eggs. And what are the chances, at 42? She pointed out all the celebrities who have had babies in their late forties, but it's an open secret that they used donor eggs. She is being led down the primrose path by somebody, maybe herself. Wish I had $28K a month to waste.

[baggage]

Saw the article about her too..in what, People magazine I think?

I don't quite understand why she is out talking about this, especially the 28K which was mentioned in the article. I understand that maybe she wants to make infertility something that people can talk about, but somehow it just feels like she is doing a disservice to both infertiles and those involved in adoption.

Of course, I think people should do what they want in terms of how they build their family, but 28K a month is insane.

[Rita]

That's a huge amount of money to most people. My biggest fear would be the health consequences. I will admit I don't know alot about IVF treatments, but I suppose there are alot of underlying health related repercussions ....many of which have yet to be discovered possibly.

I'm not saying I don't agree with IVF but I suppose I would be cautious though with choosing this method of parenthood.

[Brooklyn Mama]

That's more per month than I make in a year. Seriously.

[Orodemniades]

I don't understand what she's doing that costs $28k a month.

[Tori]

Many people would never consider adoption - and they need not apologize for that.

We did IVF instead of adopting. It took several tries, but we finally made it. I am not laying awake at night feeling guilty about not adopting. I feel just fine with my decisions. And no - we did not spend 28K a month. I've never heard of that. We spent about 30K total. That's really nothing - we spent more money than that on our house.

[Kara]

The truth is, Alexis lied when she said she spends 28K PER MONTH on infertility treatment. No doctor would cycle someone every single month. She is making IVF look far more desperate and money draining that it actually is. Those of us who have been through the IVF process know that she is being somewhat dishonest.

Truth is, at age 42, chances with IVF are drastically reduced. She would have a better chance trying naturally. Stim drugs are very hard on older eggs.

She will need to consider a donor egg soon.