There has got to be something better to do with my Friday night

I've assembled my first doll-quilt prototype and I'm currently watching the Miss USA trainwreck.... I know. Shut up.

Here is why:

• Numb3ers starts only at 10
• the judges include crazy Heather Mills, Joey Fatone, Ken Paves, Rob Schneider and Christian Siriano from Project Runway... as he would say, what a Hot Tranny Mess!
• I saw earlier on ET (shut up, again) that one of the contestant has cerebral palsy. There is no way she is going to make it to the top, OR, it's fixed (shocker!) and she'll win. Either way, curiosity got the best of me.

I have made a few notes on the proceedings:

• One of them is named LauRen.... with a capital R. Seriously.
• They all have the SAME hair..... pageant girls are seriously scary.
• Donny and Marie need to retire. now. Also, Marie looks like one of her scary freakish dolls (hello Marie doll lovers who are now going to troll my site, 10 months from now when your google search leads you astray)
• Tennessee just elbowed Mississippi in the boobs. That was totally NOT an accident.
• Apparently, giant hoop earrings are all the rage amongs beauty queens.
• Come to think of it, several of these women make me think of drag queens.
• Missouri's evening gown was totally mother-of-the bride, with a turtle neck. except for one thing.... totally, completely see-through in the spot lights.
• ha! there is LauRen again.... wearing a doily for a dress. at least it's a beaded doily
• Oklahoma is wearing a cross between a black sports bra and a white crushed velvet nightgown
• How can Christian Siriano sit there and not want to rush the stage and rip these horrific "gowns" right off their bodies?
• Rihanna's Umbrella? Isn't that played out by now?

oh lord... this is addictive. I should have opened some wine. But I didn't. So I'm coming to my senses and I'm going to go read a book. It's a fluffy book, but compared to watching this, it will feel like reading  War and Peace.

Edited to add: Well well. I posted and updated several times on Friday night. And look what someone else wrote on Saturday..... I should be writing for gossip blogs!

Comments

[Mrs Figby]

See I've always found pageants so excruciatingly boring. But with your commentary? Now I wish I'd watched it.

Also I heard a remake of "Umbrella" at B@rnes & N0ble tonight. It was a little musak-y. Which definitely means it's played out.

[jessica]

Note to self - do not drink liquid when reading Mortimer's Mom blog. Now I have to wipe chocolate milk off the monitor! I'm patiently waiting for Numb3rs to come on too....never occured to me to watch the pagent, though. Now I wish I had! :)

[Katie J]

Ok, we all watch crap from time to time, but you're brave enough to post about it. Impressive. Ok, now I'm off to Go*gle the pageant so I can know who one. Crap fascination is contagious.

[Elizabeth]

I DVRed it in case anything good happened, I could go back and review. Now I can't wait to see the be-dazzled doily, the cross with the sports bra with the white crushed velvet nightgown, and all the hot tranny messes! Ugh, I'll check back in afterward!!

[Carolyn]

If I had known it was on, I would have watched it too. My friends and I have a Miss America party each year. We have ballots and we vote on who will make each cut. Prizes are involved. You are not alone!

[Sarah]

Bursh with semi-fame. Miss Massachusetts is from my hometown. She talked about her prep on line and even joked about her hair extensions (her hairdresser kind of flipped out when she did that). She made the top 10, so I think she got the exposure she's seeking, being in broadcasting and all.