This post brought to you by a single-serve juice-box of wine

our quaint little small store in the quaint little suburban village/town just came out of it's annual 4 day street-fair/outdoor-sale extravaganza..... Here are a few Tales from Retail for your entertainment pleasure....

• It turns out, I really HATE customers.... OK, not the regulars who like our store and come to find something original. I HATE street-fair attending customers who walk in, compliment us on the originality of our selection, and then proceed to bitch about the prices, the English on the packaging, the fact that we charge taxes during the festival (it's the LAW people!!!!)
• People are cheap. FREAKING cheap. We were heavily discounting the stuff we put on the outside tables. For example, a 35$ Buddha Head candle for 4$. I know! it's less than a third of what we paid for it wholesale. OK, maybe it's got a tiny ding on the back.... it's 4$!!!! You know what, they haggled! Can we do it for $2? Can we give them 20% off (the regular priced merchandise inside the store was 20% off), can we do it for cash, no taxes..... it was non stop, the entire 4 days!
• Robbers come in all shapes, sizes and ages. We always look out for teenagers, but a man in his 60s or 70s wandered into the back store, pretended to look for the bathroom, left in a hurry under the pretense of REALLY needing to go..... sure enough, he made off with the wallets of the employees that were stored in the back-store!!!! And old man! Luckily, mine was hidden among a pile of crap my girls wanted to take home, but we had to spend almost an hour with the police going over the tape and trying to identify an ELDERLY man who robs students!
• I don't know how to be politically correct about this, but one particular customer was a little slow. Lived independently, but wasn't quite all there.... She came one days and bought a box of thank you cards that was marked down from 20$ to 5$. She made the girl at the cash count all the cards AND envelopes in the box to make sure we weren't trying to rip her off by selling her a less-than-full box. OK, I get it, she's not completely there, we obliged.... Then she called us EVERY MORNING to ask us if we had more, if we had new, different stuff on the tables, if we could put things aside for her... it was endless! At least 3 calls per mornings. We are desperately trying to get the stuff outside and on the tables and she keeps calling and calling. And then when she'd come in, she'd get mad because either A) we didn't have any more of what she saw the day before or B) we had new things she hadn't seen the day before.... makes sense, right?
• Finally, my favorite, the CrazyAss-CheapLady, or CCL as I'll call her.... She came on the very first morning, very early, before we actually had merchandise out and were just trying to raise the tents, put out the rented tables, cover them with table cloths, etc.... She walks over to me and starts asking me about some Chinese-lantern type lamps we were selling LAST YEAR at the same event... All of sudden, I totally remember her. She came at closing on the last day last year and tried to bargain 2 for 1 on the lamps we were using in the tents to light them up. I said know, because they were still sell-able and could be used in store displays.
  
  She is here, a FULL YEAR LATER asking me if we still have the lamps and if we'll sell them to her cheap..... I assure her that we sold them during the course of the year and that we don't have her anymore and she seems surprised. Like we just keep boxes of stuff packed for an entire year and just bring them out for the street fest!
  Anyhow, tonight, as we are closing, in the last few minutes, she shows up again. This time, it's a monkey laundry hamper she's after... It was 39$ marked down to 10$. 85% of the stuff is packed and sorted into charitable donation box or stick in the back and sell online at discount. There is almost nothing left. But she's getting on my nerves, so I tell her it's 10$ and that's it. She says to me: "But you are packing up, can't you do better?" to which I respond "It's 10$ and if you don't want it, in the next 5 minutes it's going to charity."
  CCL: :you'd rather give it away for free than give me a discount?"
  Me: "It's already discounted 75%. If I give it to charity, we'll get a tax refund"
  
  At this point, I continue about the business of closing shop, bringing in the stuff, stacking the rented tables, folding the tents, arranging the stuff inside.... She mulls around the store holding the monkey laundry hamper and approaches T. the manager there and asks HER if she can change the price. Luckily, T. and I are totally brain-connected and T. politely tells her the price is firm and final and we are actually closing in a minute.... So she decides to take it and goes to the cash and then proceed to attempt to get the cashier to give her a discount. My girls are all smart and she tells her AGAIN that the price is final. So CCL asks to have it gift wrapped. We do not offer gift wrapping during the festival because wrapping paper is EXPENSIVE and people will by 20 items at 2$ a pop and ask you to wrap them all individually!!!! So nice cashier girl tells her politely that we do not gift wrap during the festival. To which CCL responds "give me the wrapping paper I'll do it myself" Duh! It's not the time to wrap, it's the paper lady! It costs money! At this point, I come up to the cash, explain the wrapping situation to her and tell her that she is in fact the last customer (though there is one couple browsing in the store) and that we are waiting to close up.
  She proceeds to call me rude and a bad business woman. OH NO YOU DIDN'T! I totally went off on her. About being robbed and being tired for schlepping the stuff inside and outside twice a day, about not putting my kids to bed for 4 days in a row, about FREAKING CHEAPSKATES like her who haggle over an already 75% discount and who come back a FUCKING year later to ask about a fucking 20$ lamp....... She told me I needed counseling. She's probably right! But the wine juice box will suit me just fine!
  Oh and PS, the couple that were still browsing thoroughly enjoyed watching me go off on her! The lady had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard and bought something just because she so enjoyed watching me lose my shit!

Thankfully the most amazing grand-parents in the world had come home a little early from a weekend trip and have a sleep over with the girls tonight, so I can enjoy  my juice-box-o-wine in peace!

Comments

[cat, galloping]

oh man, there is NO WAY i could do your job!

[Nat]

Oh, how I wish I had been there to see this! TOO FUNNY! And at the same time, not funny at all... That lady totally got what she deserved, and you are now a hero to those two customers! Two birds, one stone, and one juice box: yay!

[Johnny]

I'm glad you unloaded on CCL. They have to know they can't have it their way all the time.

[kris]

jesus, i worked as a caseworker for welfare in the biggest county in ohio for 25 years and i would rather do that then to work retail. i actually did have a partime job in a hardware store for a few months and let me tell you, i hated that job more than i can say. i had nightmares about it while i was working there.

[Fair Price]

This simple wine chiller will bring your wine to the perfect serving temperature. http://futures.morewrite.com/2008/06/18/embedded-options-and-the-fair-price-of-a-future/

[Bobbi Jo]

Oh my!! I can't believe people think they can haggle like that?? Am I the idiot who's never realized you can do such a thing with clearance items at a store? I mean, a flea market, sure, but at a fun little shop like yours? Come on! Glad you let her have it. Hope you enjoyed the wine.

[AmericanFamily]

Oh, Man. I HATE retail. I don't know how you managed to stay sane. My brief stint in restaurants during college just proved that I am not a customer service kind of girl.

[alexis]

Oh man, I don't envy you. Isn't it strange how all the weirdos turn up during festivals and such? You should really write a book on this, it'll be really entertaining. =D

[elizabeth]

Does wine by the juice-box come with a straw?

[Julie]

Wow, people never cease to amaze me! Sorry about the wallets...you just never know what people are up to! I could never do retail, I'd go crazy within days, if not hours! I once had a neighbour convince me to have a garage sale. OMG, it was painful! I'd have a $200 item on sale for $5 or $10 and they'd offer me $2... I told more than one person I'd rather give it to charity than sell for that. I'd rather pull out my fingernails than ever have another garage sale. The stuff now goes straight from my house to a worthwhile cause! Think I'd do well in retail?lol

Julie

[Susan]

Ahhhh... you should have reminded me that your sale was this weekend. I would have come down to haggle you as well! Heehee! Just kidding... I would never do that as I am in retail myself.

[Chantale]

That is hilarious! And CCL totally deserved it!

I never haggle. If I don't want to pay the listed price, I don't buy. I've seen some pretty mean hagglers at garage sales though!

[Melissa]

PlEeEase tell me you have video surveillance at the store. I would so love to see you going off on the CCL with the finger wagging and the head bobbing and all! Sound or no sound, it would be great. I'm sure we could lip read some of the stuff.....

[3cmum]

Ditto....if you have video please post!!!!!!
That's why I couldn't do what you do.
Customers, clients ...they are all one big pain!

[Tracey]

Oh too funny. I wish I had seen you go off at CCL, I think I would have bought something like that other lady just for watching you go off at her.

She deserved everything she got, I think I would have gone off at at her too.

I have always wanted to start up my own craft shop, but after reading about some of your escapades, I don't know if I could do it.

Oh and I would love to see video footage of it too!!! :)-

[Michelle]

People are un-freaking-believable. So glad you went off on her. Possibly it will stop her from harassing you next year? Nah. Probably not. ;)

[Katie J]

You know there are countries where haggling is the tradition, but when I last checked Canada was not on that list. When I worked retail it always amazed me how big some people's balls were. Sorry for the shitfestival you had this week. Hopefully you made some $$$ to offset the craziness. Oh and wine juice boxes? Sounds like therapy to me.

[Perrin]

Ok, I am so sorry this was a hard day but I am laughing my pants off. Used to work retail and ugh...it never changes does it? Hope tomorrow is better!