I have so many things rolling around in my head, and I can't decide a freaking thing. I am going around and around: renovate the house or move? Get a helper or quit working?
The renovation is 100% not happening, at least not til the Spring, and even then, we still haven't found anyone to do it. I met with 2 contractors who expressed interest and seemed to understand the importance this had, but in the end, one won't do it and the other never responded. In the mean time, we have been trolling all the real estate listings trying to find "The House".
But here is the thing: I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, on either front. Clearly, my husband is not interested in moving, and clearly, the reno is not going to happen. But I got excited by the prospects. And now I am MAJORLY let down.
In the mean time, we are re-evaluating the one thing we said we would NEVER waver on: having a full time live-in nanny. When we were first dating, we discussed many, any aspects of what we wanted out of life. We knew adoption was very likely because of my husband's health, so we discussed the importance of bonding and attachment. My husband was raised with a full-time nanny in his house. I was raised by my parents. We both agreed that we wanted to be home with the children, no matter what. So we opened our company with that in mind: one of us would be home at all times. And we are. But when he's sick, that means I cannot work. And if he's in the hospital, how can I visit if I'm the care-giver? So there has to be a backup, more than calling in my parents every time.
So we are considering help. But I will not entertain a live-in situation, not in this house. It's a nice house, but there is no room for another adult full time. Sure, we have a nice guest room that is wonderful for short stays, but to have someone in there all the time, 10 feet away from the TV room, I can't do it. So the option is a live-out. But I'm not sold on that idea either, and the problem is that in the case where he has to go to the hospital, a live-out would not actually help. We would need a live-in, but not in this house. Except we can't agree on another house..... circling. Endless circling. Can't decide anything.
I read a bunch of nanny profiles last night. Many from China. How wonderful! They speak Mandarin! Wait, maybe the girls, especially Dumpling, will have a negative reaction, since these days, she is very very confused about anything and everything related to China and her adoption. So maybe an Asian nanny is not a good idea. Circling again. It's exhausting.
While I go around and around I will get a small break. The Amazing M is at a cross-road herself and finds herself unable to continue on her previous path, so she is coming back to us temporarily, maybe 4 to 6 months, while the road clears up for her. That is a g-d send. But it's only temporary. It only affords me time to mull everything over and over again: move, reno, nanny, no nanny.....
Wine. I need Wine.
Oy... Happy new year (that would be dripping with sarcasm, in case you didn't sense it).
Posted by: Elizabeth | October 02, 2008 at 10:17 PM
I hate circling. Sorry this is where you are right now.
Posted by: Katie J | October 02, 2008 at 10:48 PM
If you can believe it, we had such a shitty weekend which then rolled into the beginning of the week that we pretended Rosh Hashanah didn't exist. It didn't exist. We went to work and the kids to school and we fought and I cried and we never mentionned the holiday once. And I am married to a man who has never in the whole history of his life every missed something like that before. So it was bad. Did I mention that I can't decide whether to keep my current babysitter or get a full-time live-out nanny? My thoughts are with you. On a high note, we sold our house yesterday. Email me if you want to talk
Posted by: Heather Ann | October 02, 2008 at 10:58 PM
Our solution. We have a younger friend (25 now) who is in university and has been our babysitter since our son was born. She loves my kids to bits and babysits when we need her but somes around socially. She wasbabysitter when our youngest was born (She asked for permission to keep het cellphone on in college and all proffessors started asking about the baby ;) and she took care of my kids when we went to London last year. Because our parents live two hours driving away she is our emergeny babysitter. It is enormous comnfort to have someone that we can 1 call at any time for emergency and who we pay so the relation is clear in that respect. So I think you should look for someone like that. Someone who does some regular babysitting so she is comfortable with the girls and someone who can do emergency babysitting as well. Someone you can be friends with..
I am however dreading our sitters graduation. She might get a real job..
Posted by: mijk | October 03, 2008 at 03:19 AM
I am sorry you have so much going on right now - it must be exhausting. I normally lurk, but wanted to share with you our situation. We have what is basically a live-out Nanny. She picks our Bean up from AM preschool, takes her to appointments and classes, etc. Under the "normal" schedule she is done at 530 when we are done with work, but when our schedule gets crazy she is available to stay at the house overnight, she house sits for us when we go away, etc. When we originally made arrangements with her, we guaranteed her $X/week for Y hours - anything additional we pay her for. It has worked out really well for us. Our closest relatives are a 3 hour drive away, so if an emergency comes up we are basically up the creek. Or we would be if we did not have N.
She is a God send, and adores our Bean, as we do her. It is really a good situation for all of us. We are in the infinitely long wait for sister, and are trying to come up with creative ways to retain N after Bean starts kindergarten, as we want her to be around for Sister.
Good Luck with everything, and I hope you found some wine!
Posted by: ELSNY | October 03, 2008 at 08:14 AM
hi - just wondering - what is your source of Chinese live-in nannies? Is this Canadian only or does that agency refer to the US as well?
Posted by: Wishnik | November 01, 2008 at 07:01 AM