Mortimer's Mom

TMZ needs to hire me!

Man, I was on fire last night! And without the benefit of alcohol!

Not only did Dlisted pretty much copy my post, including Hot Tranny Mess, but now, TMZ has this little gem up on their site.... I told you it was no accident!

Tab World

I have been jonesing for some good tv lately, and decided to give the Sarah Silverman program a try.... oh my! the Tab episode..... funniest sh*t I have seen in a long time! Clearly, not a show for everyone, but I am having a ball working through the episodes....

Bye Bye Dexter, HELLO Coach Taylor!

The combination of the writers' strike and being at the cottage with only basic cable had a big impact on my TV watching. I finished the second season of Dexter on day 2 of my vacation and as I mentioned before, found myself watching reruns of CSI Miami and New York..... I tried to read a book (shocking!) but the only English books at the local store were all of the top 10 paperback variety.... I'm working on a readable mystery novel, but really, it's not that entertaining.

So I dug around on my hard drive and remembered that I had the first season of Friday Night Lights. my favorite gossip girl, Lainey, has been going on and on about it for months, and a while back, Hubs and I tried watching it. We saw 2 or 3 episodes, but didn't get hooked. There was too much football for my liking and it was too soap-y for Hubs. But here I am, with nothing to do, so I gave it another try.... Remember last year when I suddenly discovered Heroes and felt like a big dufus for missing out.... Yeah, well, I'm an even BIGGER dufus for having given up on FNL. Oh My Goodness! It is quite possibly the best written show on TV, ever! And Kyle Chandler? What can I say? I have loved him since his days on Early Edition and even before, on Homefront. (remember that show? I LOVED that show!)

Anyhow, I don't know how true to life Friday Night Lights is, but man, people in Texas really get into high-school football, don't they? It puts Hockey Dads and Puck Bunnies to shame! And for the record, Tim Riggins doesn't do it for me. I can't stand the hair. But Coach Taylor on the other hand...... yummy!

Unfortunately, I'm all caught up, first season and up to date on season 2, so I must wait til tomorrow for my next fix. In the mean time, tonight, I watched.... I can't type it...... Celebrity Apprentice..... shoot me now! First off, Celebrity? I mean, a couple of them are bona-fide celebrities, but most of them, I have no clue. And I'm a huge celebrity gossip fan, so if *I*  don't know who they area..... But Gene Simmons is going to rock this thing. From the get go, he was on the phone, pulling strings. I used to watch Family Jewels and I will say one thing for him: Dude knows how to make a buck. But Trump and Simmons together? The bad hair and egos, in one room?!?!??!

And then, there was CSI....

We are all tucked in, cozy and warm at the Kibbutz, and there is absolutely nothing to do after the kids go to bed. There is nothing on TV, I have watched everything I have downloaded, the local video store has crap to offer... I forgot to bring a book, and the local availability of anything in English is non-existant. Also, noone online is really updating much, so after 15 minutes of reading my peeps blogs, I am done. I could do some sort of crafting, but I'm not feeling very creative.....

So tonight, I vacuumed. The entire house. This is MAJOR people! I do not clean. Repairs, painting, DYI, cooking, no problem, I'm your gal. Cleaning, no way! But tonight, I became one with the bagless monster and boy, we had a lot of dog hair lying around!

And now that I got that out of my system for the next.... 3 years, I'm sitting here channel surfing and it seems that CSI NY and CSI Miami are both on tonight. I gave on on the regular CSI about 2 seasons ago, only saw a handlful of episodes of Miami, and never was able to get into NY.... but now, here I am, settled in for the night, with my glass of wine and a CSI marathon.

Oh, and I'm sending out my New Years Cards! So if you are wondering why I didn't send you one yet, as per last year's new tradition, I am sending my cards out during our break up north, and since they are in fact New Years cards, I am not breaking any etiquette rules!

live blogging the end of Britney's carreer

ok, so I had wine, but DUDES! she lipsynched OUT OF SYNCH, in a glittery bathing suit, and didn't know the choreography!!!!!!!! This was the best thing on TV!

Even Rhianna was laughing at her!!!! (Shut up! I know who Rhianna is!)

Edited to Add: and Now Sarah Silverman just nailed the final nail in her coffin.....

ETA#2: I am officially too old for this.... It's soooo Sensory Overload! The tables light-up, it's in a casino, the main stage isn't very big but there seems to be 2/3 other smaller stages... I'm getting whiplash...

ETA#3: The Foo Fighters look as old as I feel... wait, we are probably the same age..... anyhow, they look like the parents took over the kid's band practice. And big suprise... 50 and Kanye, together on stage... come on! I don't know their music, but their stupid rivalry these last few weeks was PR manipulation by first year PR students...

Why is Beyonce wearing a gold toga? and who is Chris Brown? I sort of like the song I just heard.....

ETA#4: I  soooo didn't mean Chris Brown! I know that song, it's soooo annoying! Some white dude was signing a really cool bluesy tune going into the commercial and Chris Brown's name was there... Also, apologies to my readers with feeds, I know it will show a thousand updates. Also, I am hitting refresh on a few favorite gossip sites so much, I crashed my IE..... maybe Microsoft is trying to protect Britney!

ETA#5: actually, Chris Brown dancing old school a-la MJ was kinda cool. And I take comfort in the fact that Puff-Daddy looked as old as i feel too! Dude looks old enough to be their fathers! (And I know he gave up Puff Daddy, but I am uncool like that.)

ETA#6 Justin Timberlake just admitted he felt old being there! If he's old, I'm freaking ancient. That's it, I give up on this. I was what I wanted to see, peace out!

Had to come back just once more to say: Pamela Anderson looked great! But like a mom! In a respectable dress that covered all her major erogenous zones... hell = frozen!

So much TV, so little time

What have I been up to this summer, after the kiddies go to bed? I've been downloading and watching illicit TV programs that Canadian channels haven't picked up, or show months after they aired elsewhere. And thanks to the iPod dock that hubs bought me for my bday, I don't have to give up my laptop and can surf the net WHILE we watch the shows! Wow! (it does take a bit of extra time to convert the .avi files into mp4s, but it's worth it)

First off Hubs and I both keep up with Top Chef, which we love. And The Closer. We both really like that show. Hubs tried watching Flipping Out with me, but the dude is just too crazy for words. Personally, I think the entire thing is a joke on the viewing public. How can somebody so nutso get a TV show????

My personal favorite up til now had been The Tudors. It won't start airing til fall here in Canada, but I watched the whole thing. I know some people are upset about historical inaccuracies, but here's the deal: I went to French Canadian school. We learned about Napoleon. What I know about English Monarchy you can fit on a postage stamp. Which is ironic, because the Queen is technically our Monarch as well..... Anyhow, I don't care if Ann Boleyn didn't really have blue eyes, I am loving the show.

And then, something really weird happened around episode 3.... The dude who played William Compton... he started looking really familiar. Not in a "he was in a Touch of Pink, which I saw" familiar, but in a "he drinks Sleemans Dark and a friend of mine made out with him" sort of way. It was really weird. And since I watched the episodes late at night in bed on the iPod, I couldn't Google him immediately and then I would forget in the morning. But at episode 7/8, when the plague hit, I couldn't stand it anymore and I Googled him. His imdb page didn't list too many credits, and while some of them were familiar, that is not where I recognized him from. But then, I saw that he was doing a business degree at Concordia when he was first cast.... and then I became totally convinced that the does in fact drink Sleemans Dark and that a friend of mine has in fact made out with him, because although they don't give his age anywhere, we would have been in college about the same time. And there used to be a guy we lovingly refereed to as "the guy with the eyes and the girl's name", which he totally fits the bill for.... Mind you, it would have been 12-15 years ago and I was probably very inebriated at the time, but I am going to go  with my gut on this and say he used the drink at the same bar I hung out/worked at.

And now that I have finished watching The Tudors, I have 2 new obsessions. One hubs and I are sharing, namely a Brit show called The Restaurant, in which 9 couples (not necessarily married) compete to win a restaurant. Sounds like Hell's Kitchen for couples, but it's more like Top Chef for amateurs. We've only seen the first 2 episodes, but we are already really into it.

My second obsession is Heroes..... To all the people who have loved it since the beginning, I must apologize. I don't know how I missed it the first time around. It must have been on against something else and I never got around to recording it. But I get it now. Holy crap do I get it!!!! I'm only on Episode 7, but I am stealing away moments in the day to try to move along. This morning, I got to work really really early (mental note, blog about the ungodly hour at which we have to get up now that Dumpling has to be in school by 8:20) and I watched half an episode, then I finished it at lunch...... I gotta get through all of them before it comes back in the fall!

PS: tomorrow, I whore my blog out and give free advertising... shoe lovers, check back in....

Fox News + Al Sharpton RE Paris = End of my Credibility

Both of the kids are in the attic with the babysitter playing educational games or watching Shrek 2 (I'm not sure, they are supervised, I don't care!), Hubs is either asleep or passed out from the fever, (but he is breathing, so I'm letting him be), and I'm in the basement, watching Fox News, Al Sharpton is giving his opinion on Paris going back to jail.

1) I didn't know we even had Fox News

2) Why am I watching this?

3) Who will save my credibility, which has now been shattered?

I want a JOOST invite!

If you are cooler than I am and got a Joost invite, please, please please send me one! I have to be in on this, it will change my life!

what happened to Kellie Pickler's hair???

OK, so maybe because I have no strength or energy whatsoever, just maybe, I watched the American Idol results show (on Fast Forward on the faux-Tivo, because I can only think so low....)

What the heck happened to Kellie Pickler's hair?!?!??! I understand she might be going for a more mature look, but MOM HAIR???? Was that really necessary???

Don't worry about me though, Herb's got a good line on a good rehab place, so I'll have this nonsense taken care of immediately.

Return of the Famewhore

I'll be a tad more discreet this time, with only a link and no embedding.... but you know me, I can't pass up an opportunity to pimp myself out, even if I am leaving in 14 hours!!!

Edited to add: for your shopping pleasure.  mention Mortimer's Mom Blog, the girls will take special care of you on my behalf (ie: 15% discount!)